In our society, it is considered the norm when a man takes the initiative in his relationship with the woman he likes. But there is nothing wrong with a lady being the first to show signs of attention to an interesting gentleman. But it doesn’t always end in something serious, because he may not be interested in her. Psychologist and business coach Svetlana Komarova gave some advice to men on how to tactfully refuse a woman who has taken the initiative.
How to competently refuse a woman
“The key problem is that women generally have difficulty hearing the word “no” from a man. If he politely makes it clear that he is not interested in a relationship with her, then the woman perceives this as sympathy. Therefore, it is better for a man to say as openly, directly and firmly as possible that the lady is not interested in him. In this situation, there is no point in thinking about how to soften this information. Of course, rudeness and rudeness are unacceptable; we are talking about the strongest possible internal position,” says our expert.
The option: “You are a very nice woman, but not now” is unsuccessful. It leaves the woman with hope: “I'm not ready now, I'll wait until tomorrow,” she thinks. If a man is afraid of offending a lady and begins to carefully choose his words, the firmness of his position collapses, and he is not heard, not perceived. “No” should sound categorical, Svetlana emphasizes.
It is better to speak directly and clearly, this will allow the man to convey his refusal to the woman. For example: “Do I understand correctly that you are interested in a relationship with me? Yes, I see, but I’m not ready for a relationship, this is a final and irrevocable decision.”
What words and expressions should be avoided
Any words that can inspire her with the slightest hope that the situation will change:
– “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” – for a woman this means: I’m not ready now, but I will be ready later.
– “I’m not considering a serious relationship with you” – she will perceive this as a man’s readiness for a frivolous relationship.
“Everything must be extremely clear and precise. You can soften what is said in this situation with intonation. Exactly the same as in a car dealership, saying firmly, uncompromisingly, but calmly: “No, this car is not suitable for me,” the psychologist comments.
freepik How to maintain friendships after refusal No way. Our expert does not advise maintaining friendly relations. In this case, they will be perceived by the woman as a chance that in the future they will nevertheless turn into horizontal ones. “The ideal option, safe for a man, is to break contact, get out of it,” explains Svetlana. And if a woman is your colleague, subordinate or boss? Refusing a woman a relationship, especially if she had hopes for intimacy, is like going into a cage with a tiger. 85% of women will never be able to forgive this in their lives. Psychologist: “If you refused your boss, then along with the refusal, the ideal option would be to leave this job without delay. If you refuse a subordinate, there is a risk of becoming accused of harassment. If you refuse a colleague, expect to be accused of impotence or something else. For example, they will spread a rumor in the team that you showed a lot of attention, but the lady proudly refused you. As a result, you will be perceived as a not very fit, unclaimed man.” “The male desire not to feel discomfort when refusing a woman and not to feel guilty should not interfere with the manifestation of a strong masculine position. Trying to avoid discomfort, and in fact, to avoid masculine direct honest behavior, leads to confusion. Women perceive this as a continuation of flirting, and the situation gets worse. As a result, this turns out to be very cruel to the lady,” comments Svetlana.