When a spouse or partner dies, the thought of dating again can be overwhelming and daunting. After all, you have already given your whole heart to the person you love more than anything in the world. Now he’s gone and there’s a hole in your chest the size of space, icy and burning. So being with someone new, or even considering the possibility for yourself, may seem unthinkable or even wrong. It's also common to lose a part of yourself when your partner dies, adding confusion to an already painful mix of emotions.
“But at some point, when you begin to accept the fact that your loved one will not be part of your future, you may feel ready to move forward with your life. If for you this means learning to date again and find love, remember the main thing when taking your first steps,” says psychologist Marat Vakhitov.
Unsplash Wait until you're ready Remember not to There is a specific deadline for “returning to life,” which well-meaning friends and relatives may encourage you to do. But only you know when you are ready to plunge into the world of dating again. “In some cases, you may even think you're ready, but when the time comes for a first date after a loss, you may realize that it's not the right time. And that's okay. It takes great courage to be open to meeting someone new when you have experienced such a profound loss. And remember that meeting new people is not a requirement for recovery. This is just one of several steps you can take when creating a new life without your partner,” says Marat. Unsplash Don't Feel Guilt Some people worry that if they date again after their partner's death, they will dishonor their memory. But as F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “There are all kinds of loves in this world, but never the same love twice.” “In other words, although your heart may never fully heal from the loss of your partner, you are still capable of loving again. It won’t be the same as before, and you won’t want it to be the same,” says Marat. Decide how much you want to tell Once you start dating, whether through apps or through friends, it's completely normal to share information about your partner's death, as little or as much as you choose. “Death remains a taboo subject in our culture, and on a first date you will unfortunately have to confront your date's fears and anxieties, putting you in the position of someone in need of reassurance or sympathy when you just want to have a cocktail or coffee and chat in a friendly way. Unsplash Decide in advance what you are comfortable posting. You have experienced a bereavement, but it does not define you. And she shouldn’t dominate every conversation with a new person if you don’t want her to,” Marat emphasizes. Try to enjoy the date without expectations Because we all deal with loss, pain, and grief differently, and because we all live in a culture where death is too often whispered, don't expect the first person you meet to be the right person. Dating is still a process of trial and error. “Remember that your feelings, your emotions, your broken heart are valid, and not everyone is emotionally smart enough to understand that. But every date is an opportunity to discover parts of yourself that you may have forgotten about, and learn more about the person you want to become in your new life,” says Marat.
