Any, even the most delightful sex with a regular partner sometimes gets boring. And then you accidentally see a picture of a beautiful girl in latex and with a whip and suddenly feel excited. Does this mean that you urgently need to take out a mortgage on a house with a dungeon for passionate games of submission and dominance? Of course not, don't rush. To get started, just try playing BDSM – if only to explore your own sexuality and your personal boundaries.
There is nothing shameful in wanting BDSM
There is nothing taboo or unacceptable in sex at all if both partners agree to experiment. And there's no shame in being new to BDSM. “While investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, it is ultimately a form of play. And most of this is psychological and emotional, so you can make do with improvised objects to begin with,” explains sexologist Olga Vasilenko.
Discuss your interests and boundaries
When we talk about dominance and submission in BDSM, we are talking about a consensual exchange of power. This means that even if the bottom partner is tied up and allows the top partner to dictate what happens in the scene, the terms have been discussed and agreed upon by all partners in advance.
“Before you try something new, discuss it with your partner to make sure you both like what's going to happen. Exploring your (and your partner's) arousal and boundaries is part of the fun of BDSM, and discussing the encounter before it begins can be a form of foreplay that heightens anticipation,” says Olga.
< img src="/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/bdsm-gid-dlja-novichkov-kak-i-zachem-ispolzovat-naruchniki-i-pletku-doma-c087334.jpg" class="first-photo" title="None" width="740" height="493" alt="BDSM: a guide for beginners, how and why to use handcuffs and a whip at home" /> freepik Try dirty talk Do you crave submission and enjoy being told off? Do you want to be told that you are a bad girl and will do what the master wants? Ask your partner to tell you about this in detail. And be prepared to talk about your fantasies. “Anyone can engage in dirty talk about BDSM topics, regardless of whether you are dominant, submissive, or want both roles at the same time (this happens too!). These conversations allow you to express your desires. Let's say you have a fantasy about being tied up, but for now just listen to your partner tell you about how he's going to tie you up and (consensually!) use you. In many cases, everything remains at the level of conversations – and this is enough to add fire to marital “vanilla” sex,” says Olga. Add a blindfold This is a simple and tantalizing way to increase tension. For example, when you can't see because you're wearing a blindfold, whispering in your ear or tasting your partner's mouth can be very arousing. freepik “Depending on the role you want to play, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold him. When the bandage is on, the partner who is not wearing it can sweetly tease, making you guess what will happen next, kissing the whole body, whispering dirty words in the ear or tickling the erogenous zones with a feather,” says Olga. < strong>Learn orgasm control You bring the person almost to orgasm, and then abruptly stop the stimulation and repeat it at will. If you're new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the final reward that much sweeter. “You don't have to have any equipment to learn this science: if you're the submissive partner, just relax and give the dominant permission to take control of your orgasm. Let him use his mouth or a sex toy to bring you closer to climax, stopping right before it. When you can’t wait any longer, let him help you cross the finish line and prepare for the most intense orgasm you’ve experienced in a long time,” Olga urges. freepik Tie him Restraint is the essence of many BDSM scenes. Once you and your partner have discussed which activities are acceptable while one of you is tied up (perhaps spanking, nipple biting, and oral sex) and which are off-limits (there could be a long list), you can begin tying up. “There are many ways to tie knots, but you don't have to get fancy with macramé: just make sure the knot can be undone when you're ready. Yes, keep scissors with you so that if one of the knots gets stuck, you can simply cut it,” says Olga. A robe belt or a silk scarf might also work, just make sure it’s not some vintage Hermes; you definitely shouldn’t approach it with scissors, otherwise the next game will be a game of catch-up with the angry fury, the owner of the treasure. Wear a pair of handcuffs This is another common means of restraint—with handcuffs, by the way, you won't have to worry about your bondage skills. “They are convenient for experimenting with orgasm denial. Start with convenient Velcro options,” the sexologist advises. By the way, don’t be afraid of the whip. Very often, both are excited simply by the fact of her presence “in the frame.” It's easy enough to tickle your legs or groin with it to explode with passion. Don't want to use it for its intended purpose? Do not use. You can. Play Dress Up Role playing and dressing up are a creative, liberating way to explore hidden desires. Costumes help us get into the role we want to play in bed. Even if you put on a frivolous “school” skirt or leather thong and end up having “vanilla” sex, cross-dressing as an adult is always fun at the very least.
